His World, My Hell

Well here i am 86 days from the day that I have been hoping for, praying for, dreading, and living for all at the same time.  I love Leo with every breath in me, yet a part of me fears his release.  Over the last few months we hve gotten so much closer and he is the perfect husband.  He speaks to me with respect, he does not use words that offend me, and he makes me feel secure in us.  All of that is wonderful, but the truth is will he remain who he is when he is released ...

Well here i am Mothers day 2009.  I have been reflecting on my life with Leo alot and we have decided that we are going to give us one more try.

When i divorced him in December it was because i had taken all i could take.  I knew that i was an enabler for his disorder and that was drowning myself.  I had to get out and find me again.  I did.

Now i have renewed my strength and am willing to give us another opportunity so that we can do what can to forfil the des...

Well its December 17th 2008.  On December 2nd of this very year I did something that I swore I would never do. I divorced Leo. 

Now I need to say that i didnt do it because he is in prison, and I didnt do it for another man, and i didnt do it because I didnt love him anymore.  I did it because his bi polar and his desire or lack of desire to beat this deasese was taking its toll on me.  Anti depresants, hospital stays, therapy weekly, I was going insane.

B...

Sometimes we dont recognize the miricles that God sends our way.  We overlook the blossoming flowers and take them for granted.  We overlook the stars in the sky and the brightness that they give off.  We feel the wind in our face on a warm day and we forget that is Gods touch.  So many time we are so cosumed with the emotional rollarcoaster that we ride that we forget that God is taking that very ride with us.

This weekend was a weekend where God sat right there b...

Here is sit on the eve of the rest of my life.  What do I mean by that?  Tomorrow I leave for Ft. Stockton,  the small quaint little town where the prison sits in the middle of the desert.  A place where my husband is housed and surrounded by razor wire and prison guards who respect no one especially not the ones they are paid to guard.

No letter in two weeks.  The last spoken word from my husband was that he loved me and that he would never leave me, but this...

I sit here on today pondering what I could have done in this lifetime to deserve a husband with so little respect for marriage.  I cant come up with anything that I have done over my 41 years of life that could account for all of the pain I am going through at this point in time.  Although the word is that when Karma finds you, you get double for your trouble!

I love my husband more than life itself but it seems to be getting to the point of no return. Is it prsion that is p...

Well, I did it. I sent him the draft for the book on Tuesday.  HE got it on Friday.  On Saturday when I went to go see him he told me that he had red the entire book in one night.

I asked him what he thought, and he said he HATED IT!  I knew he would.  I mean afterall it is about a horrible period in our time.  However, he does support me and still loves me.  That is a huge step for him.

He has been taking his medication and even says that it seem...

God is so amazingly awesome isnt he?  I mean he sends us so many blessings and half the time we dont even realize it is of him.

Yes, Leo is in prison, but we have found peace in that, and we know that God has him there to prepare him for his future.  What I want to talk about is how God touched me this weekend and gave me a blessing that really was enormous.

I was blessed yet once again to go see Leo.  God has blessed me to be able to do that almost every weeken...

For those of you that dont know what a serve all is, that is when an inmate gets denied parole and is required to serve his entire sentance.  Well, that is what I heard yesterday when I called the parole board to hear what they have decided on my husbands case.

AS i hung up the phone I had to go outside and just think.  I prayed to God.  I told God that I knew he was in control and that he knew what was best better than me or Leo did.

I believe that God is sayin...