His World, My Hell

Well its December 17th 2008.  On December 2nd of this very year I did something that I swore I would never do. I divorced Leo. 

Now I need to say that i didnt do it because he is in prison, and I didnt do it for another man, and i didnt do it because I didnt love him anymore.  I did it because his bi polar and his desire or lack of desire to beat this deasese was taking its toll on me.  Anti depresants, hospital stays, therapy weekly, I was going insane.

Bi polar disorder nearly took my life, and it wasnt even my disorder. I tried so hard to be who he  needed me to be so that he could free himself of this demon, (and yes, I still claim it to be a demon), that I nearly lost me.  Again.

I love that man with every breath in me, but it wasnt enough.  Never was actually.  I had to stop the abuse that was still going on from behind those cold, steel bars.....  It hurts so bad, and it didnt take him long to move on, but that is common for bi polar personalities.  They move on quick, they forget, they have no remorse and in thier minds it is all the fault of the other individual.  Well, not today it isnt.

I urge you, if you are dealing with bi polar, either yourself or your loved one, please take it serious and get the help that you need.  No one is safe.

Leo, if you ever read this, I want you to know that I still think of you as the air I breath an you are truley my heart and soul, but the reality is that until you want help, and until you yourself fight for your freedom of this disorder we can not ever be.  You may think that this is a game, a joke, but the reality is that you destroyed me and who I was.  the person you feel in love with is gone,, and now i must find her again.    Love yourself enough to get better, so that the next woman who loves you, isnt destroyed because of it......

Your wife in spirit always.

sonja